Since before my Briar and Marhi were even born, I have been given so much advice about parenting. Some I chose to politely ignore while some stuck with me. A couple pieces of advice that I heard a lot and that I continue to pass on: trust your instincts and choose your battles. (Thanks, mom!)
#1 Choose your battles.
This is so important. You will go insane if you get on their case for every little thing they do wrong. Of course you want them to be model citizens but at one and three, good luck getting them to behave all of the time. Instead, let them act their age. They will push your buttons, but I'm pretty sure that is their job. When you are at the post office and they are running around in circles in the middle of the lobby, not hurting themselves or anyone else, smile at the old women staring at you like you're naked and let them play. Because in the end, it is not about what people you don't know think of you. It's about giving your children freedom and well, letting them be little.
#2 Trust your instincts
This is so important. You will go insane if you get on their case for every little thing they do wrong. Of course you want them to be model citizens but at one and three, good luck getting them to behave all of the time. Instead, let them act their age. They will push your buttons, but I'm pretty sure that is their job. When you are at the post office and they are running around in circles in the middle of the lobby, not hurting themselves or anyone else, smile at the old women staring at you like you're naked and let them play. Because in the end, it is not about what people you don't know think of you. It's about giving your children freedom and well, letting them be little.
#2 Trust your instincts
You are going to make mistakes. Parenting is like a trial and error kind of thing. But trust yourself. You aren't going to knowingly do something that will harm your child. YOU are the parent and no one else, so do what you think is best.
What my instincts tell me:
#1 Spend as much time with them as possible
Sixteen years from now, when they are heading off to college, this will NOT be one of my thoughts as they are packing up: "Well I wish I would have slept in that one day in November of 2011 instead of waking up, reading books to my kids, eating oatmeal together, and then going to the Amazing Pizza Machine. That sleep really would have made more of a difference than spending the day with my children." It is so important to give them my time and show them how much they mean to me. If you are telling yourself, well they are little, they won't remember if I spent a lot of time with them or not...not true. A majority of their personality develops in the first five years. I know I will never regret spending "too much" time with my children.
#2 Take every opportunity to teach them
Young children are sponges, soaking up everything. This is why many people have problems with their children cursing. I find that the best time to teach children as young as mine is in the car. Of course I can't turn around and hold flash cards up for them or use many other materials. I turn off the radio and just talk. Briar learned what an octagon was because I stopped at a stop sign, and because no one was behind me, took the opportunity to teach him that a stop sign is a red octagon and that means it has eight sides. Since that time, he has learned all his shapes, but I started him on his journey. Today on the way to pick up mimi, I taught them about Martin Luther King Jr., they learned about continents and oceans, and they said the Pledge of Allegiance. They may have also heard Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech in it's entirety...yes, I have it memorized and they got a kick out of my deep voice :) Sure, their teachers may despise me when they get into school and already know the stuff they are supposed to be learning, but I would rather them be over-prepared than under-prepared.
#3 Remember they haven't been here long
I'm going to make mistakes. I am going to get impatient. But I have to keep in mind that they are lacking in life experience. They can't understand when I am stressed, sick, or busy. The only thing Briar gets stressed about is bedtime, and Marhi gets stressed when she knows it's dinner time but mommy got a late start and it's not quite done (she‘s my little piglet). They don't care about my homework that I need to do, the work that I have to get to on time, or the house that I need to clean. Yep, they just don't care. On their ‘to do’ list: play, eat, pee, poop, maybe a nap if I can fit it in, read, love, play. They just haven't been there so I try to be patient. That doesn't always happen. Everything is easier said than done, right? But I do my best.
#4 Watch the road
What is more important than my precious cargo? Is that facebook status more important? What about that text? Do I have to respond right away? I'll just pull over or just wait until the car is parked. Two seconds with my eyes off the road and it can be devastating. A car could cross the center line, a deer could come out of nowhere, anything. I won't be distracted. (I used to have a problem with this when they weren’t in the car because I thought I wasn’t endangering them. Putting my life in danger affects them, so I’ve stopped.)
#5 Some mantras have good points but don't live by them entirely
One that I was given on facebook that I love: The cleaning and dusting can wait for tomorrow, for babies grow up we have learned to our sorrow; so quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby 'cause babies don't keep! Thank you, Kay Grosshans :) Yes, I love this but I am trying to teach my kids to be somewhat tidy and organized. If I leave things until they go to bed, what is that saying to them? Make the messes and I will just clean them up later? It doesn't have to be spotless, and it won't ever be spotless with kids in the house, but asking them to help me clean up gives them responsibility and shows them they have to be accountable. They decide to get all the books out, well they can help pick them up. I'm a mother not a maid. My responsibility is to instill in them traits that will last a lifetime. I don't want them to be lazy, irresponsible, and messy.
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